How Should We Relate to Members Who Have Been Disciplined?

The Scriptures are crystal clear when it comes to the process and purpose of church discipline. There are also some non-neogitable prohibitions regarding the disciplined person’s involvement with church life.

What is less clear, however, are the ongoing implications for our future relationship with those disciplined individuals who continue in unrepentant sin.

Let’s briefly recap what is clear, and then consider what remains less so.

The Process of Church Discipline

Jesus gives us a four-step process for engaging with Christians who persist in unrepentant sin:

  1. Go to them individually (Matt. 18:15).
  2. Go to them with a group (Matt. 18:16).
  3. Bring the situation before the church (Matt. 18:17).
  4. If there is still no repentance, the church no longer recognizes them as part of the people of God, but rather interacts with them as a “Gentile” or “tax collector” (Matt. 18:17).

The Purpose of Church Discipline

While the Apostle Paul does not articulate all the steps, he does direct the Corinthians to take the final step with an unrepentant man in their church. Additionally, he provides insight into the purposes behind the action. Here are three reasons he articulates for removing the unrepentant man from among them:

  1. So that the unrepentant person might be saved through a recognition of the seriousness of their spiritual state (1 Cor. 5:5).
  2. So that sin does not spread throughout the church (1 Cor. 5:6–7).
  3. So that the world would recognize the distinction between the people of God and the world (1 Cor. 5:9–12).

The Prohibitions for the Disciplined

The process and purposes for discipline are clear. But what does it mean, practically, to obey the following commands?

  • “Let him who has done this be removed from among you” (1 Cor. 5:2).
  • “When you are assembled in the name of the Lord Jesus… you are to deliver this man to Satan” (1 Cor. 5:5).
  • “I am writing to you not to associate with anyone who bears the name of brother if he is guilty of sexual immorality or greed, or is an idolater, reviler, drunkard, or swindler—not even to eat with such a one” (1 Cor. 5:11).
  • “Purge the evil person from among you” (1 Cor. 5:13).

These are real biblical commands that we have to wrestle with.

On the one extreme, some argue that this means we must relationally shun the disciplined person so that they no longer feel any warmth of Christian fellowship.

I sympathize with this reading because of the strong language that Paul employs, but I struggle with this interpretation for two main reasons:

  1. Jesus says that they are to be like Gentiles and tax collectors to us—but we are not called to shun Gentiles and tax collectors. They would have been the furthest away from the people of God in Jesus’ day both socially and spiritually. The distinction was clear, but they were to be evangelized by the Christian community, not necessarily ignored or avoided.
  2. In 2 Corinthians 2:2, Paul articulates a restoration event after a discipline case. Paul encourages the church to forgive, comfort, and reaffirm their love for the man that was once removed by vote of the majority. I take this to imply that there remained some relational open door for conversation that led to the man’s repentance and restoration.

While I do not think total shunning is what Paul commands, it is clear that the nature of our relationship with the disciplined individual must change. They are no longer “among us” in the way they once were. We are not to “associate” with them in the same way we once did. To associate means to “mix with” someone or to “join” ourselves with someone. We should not be joining ourselves relationally to someone in such a way that might confuse us with being united in faith and practice.

At the very least, we do not interact with them as if they are Christians. In our church contexts this means:

  • They cannot serve the church or represent the church in ways that only Christians can.
  • They cannot attend gatherings reserved for Christians only.
  • They cannot vote in church matters with the authority of a church member.
  • They cannot partake in the Lord’s Supper

The clearest prohibition is the command “not to eat with such a one.” Just prior to this instruction, Paul warns against celebrating the festival with “old leaven,” symbolizing the unrepentant sinner (1 Cor. 5:6–8). The festival he refers to is the Lord’s Supper, which represents our unity with one another and with Christ.

So, clearly, we are not to partake in the Lord’s Supper with someone who has been disciplined from the church. Doing so would affirm something in them that may not be true: their unity with Jesus and with us.

To affirm someone’s salvation when there is no visible fruit is to undermine the purpose of discipline. It communicates a false message about the gospel—to the individual, to the church, and to the world.

We cannot dismiss entirely that when Paul says “don’t eat with such a one” that he is speaking about more than just the Lord’s Supper. He could have an expanded meaning in mind which prohibits the kind of table fellowship enjoyed by friends and family – the kind of table fellowship that is just for our enjoyment and mutual encouragement. While I am not ready to lay down a hard and fast rule here, I do think it is wise that the table fellowship we do share with a disciplined person is for the purpose of seeking their restoration, not just for the purpose of fellowship without acknowledgment of their spiritual condition. This is where we need prudence.

The Prudence Needed for Relating to the Disciplined

Prudence means wisdom, good judgment, carefulness, and the ability to make decisions using discernment. Interacting with someone who has been disciplined requires such prudence.

When someone “bears the name of a brother” but continues down the path of destruction, we have to interact in a way that communicates both:

  • our love for them, and
  • our unapologetic rejection of their lifestyle.

They are living in a lie that is harming them, and our aim is not to affirm that lie in any way—even as we relate to them in love.

This is not easy. Every relationship, conversation, and scenario is unique. But our purpose in relating to the disciplined person must remain consistent with God’s purpose for discipline itself:

  • We relate to them in a way that expresses our desire for their repentance.
  • We relate to them in a way that does not confuse, ignore, affirm, or belittle the severity of their sin.
  • We relate to them in a way that does not confuse the watching world about the set apart nature of those who follow Jesus in faith.

Conclusion

We need the Holy Spirit to help us in this difficult endeavor.
We need each other as we process how best to love sinners and obey the Scriptures.
We need humility and graciousness as we seek to faithfully apply the implications of these texts in the unique relationships and situations we find ourselves in.

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